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Ten Things To Find Love Now

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You Can Find Love Right Now By Doing These Ten Things

1. Start by losing the losers

If you want to find your soul mate you must be available and not involved with people that aren’t right for you. Staying available is hard for a lot of singles, but necessary for finding the love of your life.

2. OK, available now? Next… are you “ready?”

Any unfinished business that might sabotage your next relationship? Legal, financial, emotional, kids, ex, employment? Get it handled!

3. Next, make a list of your top five “requirements”

Requirements are non-negotiable deal-breakers; what you must have or must not have in your relationship. Vow not to get involved with anyone that doesn’t meet all five. Share your list with your closest friends and make them swear to tell you the truth and lock you up if you get off-track.

4. Good job. Now, let’s get crystal clear about this “dating” thing:

If you want to avoid the deadly dating traps, focus on these Four Steps for Conscious Dating:

Step One: Scouting (find compatible people to meet- internet, through friends, getting out there, etc)

Step Two: Sorting (quickly determine if someone you meet has potential)

Step Three: Screening (collect enough information to know if your requirements would be met)

Step Four: Testing (date a few times and compare the reality with the information)

Repeat as needed.

That’s it… nothing more, nothing less. No “trial relationships,” no fun flings; just these four steps.

5. Get support

Don’t do this alone. Dating can be scary and isolating, and your friends and family can be your safety net to help you stay on track.

6. Work it!

Most people meet their soul mate through someone they already know, so let people know you’re looking and network like crazy.

7. Be positive and happy

Success breeds success and misery loves company… your choice.

8. Be the Chooser!

Go after what you want and don’t simply react to what or who chooses you.

9. Be assertive!

If you settle for less, you’ll get less. Ask for what you want and say “No” to what you don’t want.

10. Live a great life NOW while you’re single. “If you build it, they will come” (from the movie “Field of Dreams”).

Finding your perfect mate is a combination of working on yourself so that you’re ready to attract and keep this wonderful person, and being proactive in your life to go after what you want instead of waiting for it to come to you, or hoping it will just “happen.”

 

© Relationship Coaching Institute | All rights reserved | Used with permission

 

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You are here: Home / How Do I Find My Soul Mate / Why You’re Still Single

Wednesday February 13, 2013 by Debbie

Why You’re Still Single

alt=""Why Millennials Wait Longer to Get Married

Ever since the latest U.S. Census showed that fewer people are getting married for the first time in decades, there’s been some Chicken Little-esque squawking about the will I ever get married sky falling.

First, there is one guy out there for you – all you have to do is find him. You just have to take astand for the love you deserve and let love  is evolve, not dissolve. There are still several million weddings every single year which means that you too can find the marrying kind of man, even with the drop in the marriage rate. Second, it’s important to understand why the marriage rate is lower right now, so that you can understand why it will become the norm again in the coming decade.

Millennials (born 1979-2000 and making up more than 83% of today’s couples) do value marriage. It is because they value it so much that they are putting it off until they’re older.

40% of millennials grew up in broken homes and know first hand the impact divorce can have on a family. Today’s young adults are willing to wait longer to tie the knot so that they don’t end up in the same situation their parents did. Over 80% of this generation believe they will be married only once and 91% believe that couples who have had long, successful marriages are “heroes” and examples worth following.

People who get married at 30 are three times as likely to have a successful marriage than people who get married in their early twenties, a fact this generation is counting on. 65% of millennials live together before marrying, typically for three years or more, for the same reasons I just mentioned — they want to make sure they are making the right decision so that they can make that decision just once. Living together before marriage used to be linked to a higher rate of divorce, but new research was released in the last couple of years that shows this is no longer the case. Also, while the divorce rate is currently just over 50%, it’s projected to drop by about 20% in the next 15-20 years.

Marriage is not in jeopardy and neither is the American family. People will continue to get married and the weddings in the coming years will have a heightened sense of purpose, including a return to what a wedding is really all about: the life together after the day is over.

Lastly, don’t wait any longer. Find out what is holding you back from being with the right guy. Don’t keep patterns that don’t serve you well by dating the wrong guys. take a stand for you and the love you deserve. You can do it.

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Knowing When Love Is Right For You

Don’t Date The Wrong Guy

Sometimes it can be hard to tell whether or not a new relationship is going to work out. It doesn’t help that you fall for people that end up being fundamentally wrong for you. So how do you tell whether the guy you’re with is someone who is right for you? To help ease the potential confusion, we have come up with three red flags that do a pretty good job at indicating you may be dating the wrong guy.

alt="Don't Date The Wrong Guy"

You have different life goals

One of the biggest and most important indicators that your dating the wrong guy is that you see future life goals differently – they just don’t match up. It’s not about the personal short term goals, like the fact that he’s saving for a new car and you’ve decided to change jobs. It’s the long range big, life – changing -type goals. For example, if you know you want kids and he doesn’t – you have a huge difference in what you want. Or, if he plans on eventually moving back to his (tiny, middle-of-nowhere) home town and you can’t stand the thought of living anywhere but the city, then this will create a huge gap between the two of you somewhere down the road. You have to get really clear on what you need from a relationship and find out what you are willing to compromise on. The key is  to know if  the one you’re dating is not budging on areas where you are not able to compromise. They are your deal breakers.

You never really talk

Women really feel a deep connection when they are listened to  and understood. It is an extremely validating experience. There is also another piece to that in that the guy you are dating must be able to open up and share his thoughts while you listen. That is what sustains a relationship over time. Contrary to widespread belief, sex is only one part of a healthy relationship.  Look for ways to open up deep, meaningful conversations and engage in enriching discussions where you share perspectives. This goes a long way in a relationship and actually deepens the physical intimacy between the two of you. Conversation – the real kind where you discuss feelings and hopes and dreams – is a key ingredient to building a lasting bond with someone. If you don’t have those open honest heart-felt sharing conversations – ever – you’re not in the right relationship. As much as it’s a physical connection, a good relationship should also allow you to connect on a deeper emotional level. The key here is to see if the guy you are dating is able to connect on an emotional level. If not, in the long run this is a hige deal breaker.

He doesn’t like your family and friends and vice versa

If none of your family and  friends like him, or he doesn’t get along with any of the people you hold dear, you could be wasting your time. The same goes for his family and friends. You don’t need to like or get along with all of them, but if trying to ignore thsi issue will never make it go away. Now of course we are all drawn to certain people and have become used to the way are own familes likes and dislikes. Just make sure that you know what you are getting yourself into. One of the best parts of being in a relationship that makes you happy is combining your closest circle with his. That doesn’t mean you no longer have separate friends or do things without one another, but having dinner parties with both of your favorite people makes things so much easier. Having to entirely separate your life as a couple from your family and friend puts a strain on the relationship. The key is to know yourself well enough to see where this could cause problems in the relationship. Know if it is a deal breaker for you.

Making the decision that someone is wroing is never eay. Try to take some time to really understand what you need from a relationship. Is it being a priority, fun, commitment, physical affection, etc – no matter what you have to find someone that is able to meet those needs and vice versa for them That is the key to being happy in a relationship!

Ready For Love?

Are You Ready For Love?

alt="Are You Ready For Love?"

Getting to the heart of what holds you back.

If someone were to ask you what you really wanted from a relationship – what would the answer be?

It’s that time of year when not only are we busier at work than ever, but our personal lives are about to get busier as well! So many really wonderful women I know are juggling multiple commitments, and let’s face it, part of being successful and happy is being well-rounded. It’s only natural that we want to make the most of all the opportunities around us!

But one often overlooked aspect of “making the most” of our opportunities is cultivating a sense of joy, presence and awareness about ourselves. Your awareness is important because it keeps you from being caught up in a whirlwind of activity just for the sake of being busy or collecting accolades.

Sometimes you focus on or play up one particular part of your identity, while completely disregarding other parts of yourselves. You have many facets and dimensions. Time to look at all of them and express some of the ignored diemsions by enjoying them.

I want to encourage you to take a little time – and get clarity about who you are, and who and what you need in your life. This is the perfect time to examine this! No time like the present.

 

 

Are You A Girl That Believes In The Rules?

40 Dating Tips I Gathered After Reading Ellen Fein’s The Rules

 Are The Rules Right For You?

By MADDISON JENSEN 

This book — The Rules — was what the movie, He’s Just Not That Into You was based on. The term “You are not the exception” is referring to The Rules. Historical evidence and references are explained in depth in the pages of this dating bible. It’s an interesting read, even if you don’t agree completely.

alt="40 Dating Tips I Gathered After Reading Ellen Fein’sThe Rules"

The Rules 40 Dating Tips:

1. Take care of yourself! Be feminine. Smell Good.

2. Make him approach you.

3. Be a Responder, not a Hunter. Hunters are men. You are not a man.

4. Never be offended. You love your flaws. You love yourself. Nothing you do is stupid. Smile and laugh.

5. Hunters don’t hunt animals that chase them or wait for them. They hunt unique animals that are hard to find, even if they have to travel to catch them.

6. Don’t call back immediately. You are a girl in demand.

7. Don’t call first. You might catch him when he’s busy and then you’ll feel bad and dumb.

8. End call first after 15 minutes ALWAYS. (Even though it sucks. He will call you more.)

9. End the date first.

10. Don’t reveal too much. Once books are open, they end up closed.

11. Be supportive and sympathetic

12. Don’t date people who are already dating people.

13. Be awesome. You’ve never been sad. You never want to be sad. Sad people are Sad. Happy people are contagious.

14. If his gifts aren’t romantic, his feelings aren’t romantic. You are not a tool set. You are a teddy bear and chocolates and everything sweet that he is feeling.

15. Refrain from seeing more than 2-3 times a week

16. Only casual kissing on the first date

17. Be busy until the moment he picks you up, that way you won’t over think things. Just be busy all the time. Busy people are important. You want to be important.

18. Even if you are not busy, pretend like you are. (This is not lying.)

19. Only tell your therapist or your dog everything about them. Don’t talk about them all the time. Words get around. You don’t want to sound crazy.

20. Seriously don’t have sex. When it comes to intimacy, stand your ground. They will respect you.

21. If bad things happen, stay emotionally cool. Don’t talk about the future. EVER. The future ball is in his court to bring up.

22. Don’t be bossy. Let him be a man. Bossy can come off as jealous or insecure.

23. Guys have balls. You don’t. Don’t let the ball be in your court. The ball should always be in his court. He knows what to do with his balls. Give him his balls.

24. Literally act like his life is totally fine and you don’t care to change it even if he’s wearing cargo shorts.

25. Always have something to do. Never act bored. Bored people are boring.

26. Feelings are heavy and nobody wants those so shut up and suck it up.

27. You are the happiest, calmest person alive. Nothing can get in your way. Your life is so great that he wants to put himself in it, and he will.

28. Sometimes it is better to be lonely than rejected. Even then, you have netflix.

29. You are unlike anyone else. You don’t waste time. You don’t take shit from people. Shit is gross.

30. Past relationships are in your rearview mirror. Your future is through your windshield. Your windshield is bigger for a reason.

31. The person who talks the most has the most to lose.

32. Sympathy is stupid so stop trying to get it.

33. There is a reason why liars are lonely. Don’t be one in a relationship.

34. Busy is just “Busy”– don’t explain. Be happy and aloof when explaining that you are busy for the night.

35. Don’t leave things at his apartment. Make him make up excuses to see you. If he doesn’t… He doesn’t want to see you. If he doesn’t want to see you… you were too busy to notice or care (even if you do care).

36. His friends are the last people for you to seek advice from. Do not devalue your intuition and confidence by asking questions that make you look insecure NO MATTER WHAT THEY ARE.

37. Relationship ratio should always be him 70% and you 30-50%.

38. Eventually you will have to tell him everything about you, but don’t dump it on him like you’re nailing down his coffin. Let him understand that the weight of your past is something you carry lightly.

39. Keep yourself busy and happy. This isn’t just a tip to make people love you, this is a tip to keep you moving forward in life.

40. Stay fit, stay beautiful, and show him and yourself that you care about being healthy.

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