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Ten Things To Find Love Now

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You Can Find Love Right Now By Doing These Ten Things

1. Start by losing the losers

If you want to find your soul mate you must be available and not involved with people that aren’t right for you. Staying available is hard for a lot of singles, but necessary for finding the love of your life.

2. OK, available now? Next… are you “ready?”

Any unfinished business that might sabotage your next relationship? Legal, financial, emotional, kids, ex, employment? Get it handled!

3. Next, make a list of your top five “requirements”

Requirements are non-negotiable deal-breakers; what you must have or must not have in your relationship. Vow not to get involved with anyone that doesn’t meet all five. Share your list with your closest friends and make them swear to tell you the truth and lock you up if you get off-track.

4. Good job. Now, let’s get crystal clear about this “dating” thing:

If you want to avoid the deadly dating traps, focus on these Four Steps for Conscious Dating:

Step One: Scouting (find compatible people to meet- internet, through friends, getting out there, etc)

Step Two: Sorting (quickly determine if someone you meet has potential)

Step Three: Screening (collect enough information to know if your requirements would be met)

Step Four: Testing (date a few times and compare the reality with the information)

Repeat as needed.

That’s it… nothing more, nothing less. No “trial relationships,” no fun flings; just these four steps.

5. Get support

Don’t do this alone. Dating can be scary and isolating, and your friends and family can be your safety net to help you stay on track.

6. Work it!

Most people meet their soul mate through someone they already know, so let people know you’re looking and network like crazy.

7. Be positive and happy

Success breeds success and misery loves company… your choice.

8. Be the Chooser!

Go after what you want and don’t simply react to what or who chooses you.

9. Be assertive!

If you settle for less, you’ll get less. Ask for what you want and say “No” to what you don’t want.

10. Live a great life NOW while you’re single. “If you build it, they will come” (from the movie “Field of Dreams”).

Finding your perfect mate is a combination of working on yourself so that you’re ready to attract and keep this wonderful person, and being proactive in your life to go after what you want instead of waiting for it to come to you, or hoping it will just “happen.”

 

© Relationship Coaching Institute | All rights reserved | Used with permission

 

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You are here: Home / Featured Article / Pack Lots of Fun Into Your Relationship

Thursday May 26, 2011 by Debbie

Pack Lots of Fun Into Your Relationship

alt="10 Ways To Bring More Fun Into Your Relationship"

Make Time For Fun and Romance In Your Relationship

 

 10 Ways To Bring More Fun Into Your Relationship

Relationships are exciting and spontaneous in the beginning. You are learning about each other, meeting each other’s friends and family, and dicovering more and more about each other. With most long-term relationships, there are going to be periods of time where it feels as if your are not moving closer or to the next level in your relationship.  The most important thing is to be aware of the inevitable lulls or moments of doubt, and to make a plan to counteract them. Just because you’ve been together a long time doesn’t mean you can’t still have fun being in the relationship.

Of course, the key ingredient to any satisfying relationship is to be in love and that love is something that needs to grow and experience creating great memories together. Here are 10 ways to bring more fun into your relationship for even the most trying times.

10. Socialize With Other Couples – Throw parties and get togethers

One of the biggest mistakes that a couple can make is to spend every second with just each other. By just throwing a party and inviting both of your groups of friends over, not only will you be introducing some of your friends and other couples, but you’ll also have an opportunity to be around each other without being attached to one another; this is a great way to keep a long-term relationship interesting. You can play some poker with  the guys while she entertains her friends, or you can spend your time entertaining and socializing with some couples. Either way it will be enriching, exciting and most of all, fun.

9. Don’t get in a rut – Visit someplace new, keep a sense of adventure in your relationship

If you end up going to the same restaurants all the time, watching the same tv shows, getting too predictable, you’ll inevitably be spending a lot of time retreading the same ground. By going to a new city, a new beach or a new hotel, you’ll be opening up a wide range of new conversations and new experiences. It’s a great way to keep a long-term relationship interesting.

It’s wonderfully revitalising for any relationship to be put in a situation where you’re on equal footing, both unaware of how exactly this new place operates. And when it’s time to go back to the hotel room, new place – at the end of the day, you’ll be able to enliven your love life on an entirely different way.

8. Spend some time apart

This is one of the hardest things to do if you’re in a long-term relationship with someone you truly care about. When you love someone, you want to spend as much time with them as possible, but it’s important to not only have some space, but to also spend a night apart every once in a while as well.

Being apart not only allows you some freedom, but it will also make both of you miss each other a little bit and is an ideal way to keep a long-term relationship interesting. Sometimes your job requires attending a conference or overnight trip. You can catch up with friends and family. Go on a camping trip or Girls weekend – you may even take a night to visit a friend out of town, or you she may spend the weekend at her parent’s. These times apart actually increase your interest in each other. There are new things you can share and appreciate about each other at the same time.

7. Give thoughtful and sentimental gifts

Giving a gift to someone not only lets them know you love them, but also that you’ve been thinking of them when they weren’t around. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant or pricey, it just has to be something from the heart that your partner would really enjoy. Think outside of the box – something as thoughtful as a favorite ice cream, flower, sentmental card or note. Even if they tell you that it’s unnecessary and not to buy it, it is more important to the future health of your relationship and a great way to keep a long-term relationship interesting.

6. Make time to see each other during the day

More hours are spents at work than the time you actually get to share together (sleeping doesn’t count). Every once in a while stop by to take each other out for lunch or just stop by to say hello. It’s the same reasoning behind giving gifts; it’s a reminder to both of you that you were thinking of each other. However, the difference with this way to keep a long-term relationship interesting is that not only were you showing that even during the day, the relationship is a priority, but  it keeps the romance alive.

5. Go on dates

Just because you’ve been dating a while doesn’t mean you should stop dating. And a date doesn’t mean you take have dinner togetherat that local Mexican place you always go to. Instead, do some planning and make a reservation someplace affordable, but romantic. Open the door for her, order some wine and dessert and hold her hand if she wants to. Make it a regular thing, weekly or bi-weekly depending on your budget and schedules. Cook his favorite meal. It might seem like a lot of work, but it’ll make your relationship stronger and healthier in the long run.

4. Set goals together

Couples that make it – create a shared vision together. They discuss where they are headed. This is a great way to reinvigorate not only your long-term relationship, but your goals. Sit down with your partner and decide where you want to be in the long-term — careers, moving in, marriage, house, kids, jobs, retiring, etc. — and how to get there. Ask each other for advice about how best to accomplish those goals and once they are accomplished, don’t just stop there, set new goals: health, comfort, happiness, redecorating, travel, dreams, personal growth, and so on. There are always ways to better yourself and your relationship, and it’s better to do it together than separately.

3. Keep the passion alive

Passion is kept alive in may ways. There’s always something that keeps each other interested. Sending a flirty suggestive text, sating something firey , and spicing things up. aven’t tried. Let’s face it, if you’ve been with someone for a long time, it inevitably can get a little monotonous and predictable. However, if you really want to give your long-term relationship staying power, give a little extra effort into  breaking the comfort level by treating each other as lovers perhaps meeting at a hotel and have a passionate rendevoux. Keep the mystery alive.

2. Add a new dimension to your relationship

Volunteer together, fight for a cause you both believe in, get involved in local politics, become a big brother – big sister, enter a 5 K , golf tournament, co-ed sports team, any one of these options will bring a new dimension to the two of you.  Get a puppy or cat -there is nothing that will bond a couple quite like having something to care for together, something that is more important than each other that both of you can care for and love. This will even help you prepare for the day you make the decision together to have a child.

1. Discover things together

In the end, the best way to keep a long-term relationship interesting is the easiest thing you can do: Add that element of “new” to your life and your long-term relationship. Take a cooking class together, do yoga with each other or take dancing lessons. Take time to visit a new museum once in a while. The bottom line is that you want to be with each other, but it’s always better to have something in common that you can discuss together. Finding someone you actually want to talk to and share yourself with creates closeness and connection.  And always search for something new to share and keep that initial feeling alive for the years ahead.

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Don’t Date The Wrong Guy

9 Warning Signs You Are Dating the Wrong Guy

alt="9 Warning Signs You Are Dating the Wrong Guy"

Every woman has some dating doubts, but if you’re experiencing any of the following issues, perhaps you are dating the wrong guy. To find lasting love that is fulfilling and complete with true happiness, you should be aware that not everyone you date is the right guy for you.

 Here are a few dating warning signs you are dating the wrong guy:

1. He thinks the world revolves around him

If your guy is more interested in how you fit in his world and he doesn’t take into consideration your individual needs, you’re certainly dating the wrong guy. You feel that your partner only thinks about himself and he always does whatever he wants, even when you don’t like his actions and he knows about it. Two things to pint out – sometimes you need to teach someone how to meet your needs and how to be a we, an us. If they are not able to give you what you need and be an us, you will become hurt and disappointed by that type of relationship – no matter how great he looks on the outside.

2. You desperately try to impress him

Do you feel like you are wearing a mask when you are with him?  The trust is the trusth and being who you are around him should start right from the very beginning. Yes, it’s true that we show our very best in the beginning but if you always feels that isn’t enough – imagine how you will feel when you relax more in the relationship. If you feel less than enough for him, it’s time to realize that you needs someone who appreciates who you are. There is no one quite like you. Look for the relationship that appreciates the woman you are. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. If he doesn’t love you as you are, I promise there is someone that will and the rewards for that kind of relationship are well worth the wait.

3. He is too clingy

While most men complain about women being needy and clingy, there are guys who are more clingy than girls. If your boyfriend is one of them, you may be dating the wrong guy. It’s not healthy and wise to expect you to be his singular source of joy and happiness. You and your guy should have some alone time in order to keep the spark in your relationship. However keep in mind that you don’t want to be someone’s everything. Neediness is just not attractive and wears on a person over time. You also don’t want to feel controlled in the relationship. There is a healthy balance that needs to be created between two people. look for ways to keep it in balance and in prspective.

4. Your family and friends have never met him

Did you introduce your boyfriend to your family or friends? No? Why? Because he doesn’t want or because you are embarrassed by him so much that you don’t want your social circles to know him? If he doesn’t want to meet your family, it’s a red flag to watch out for in your relationship. Are you sure he loves you? Be sure to meet them and notice how he speaks about them, speaks about his ex’s, and how he interacts with family and friends. Is it with kindness, patience, acceptance – just look at all of it and see for yourself how things really are – then make a decision about whether or not this is right for you.

5. He doesn’t listen to you

If you feel like your partner never listens to you, you might be dating the wrong man. You feel sad and you share your emotions and feelings with him, and he starts doesn’t hear you and never notices the disappointment and sadness on your face.  A woman’s deepest desire is to be listened to and understood. It creates closenesss and connection. Try praising the times he is engaged and show him how to listen when he needs you to listen. If he still isn’t able to really take in what you are saying, you have to realize that you deserve more and will be hurt if this continues. Time to think about what you need and know when can’t give it to you. Don’t settle for less than you deserve.

6. You can’t imagine your future with him

Can you see a future with your boyfriend? If the thought of a lifelong commitment makes you cringe, you need to look at what the root cause is –  why are you dating him in the first place? He might be a good guy who wants to have a serious relationship but just isn’t right for you. He maybe hasn’t wanted to grow up yet. He might fear commitment. He maybe just wants a different lifestyle than you. Don’t fall in love with a guys future potential. Take a look at what he is telling you he wants in life. It is the truth. See if that is okay with you. If not, then find a guy that you can imagine a future with.

7. You are not happy when you are with him

If spending time with him exhausts you and you feel as if you want to avoid spending time with him all together – this is a warning sign you are dating the wrong guy. You should feel alive and happy with your boyfriend, not down, avoiding, making other plans, etc.Don’t let things get too routine and predictable. Try new things. Enjoy each other’s company. Dating should be fun. If not, pinpoint the problem area and make a decision about your course of action. It’s easy to let 2 , 3 4 , 5 years float by only to discover that something is just not okay when you are together. Figure it out now so that you can have the adventurous, fun relationship where you can’t wait to be together.

8. He doesn’t have any interests and hobbies

Is your relationship his only interest? If your boyfriend has no interests or hobbies outside of your relationship, perhaps you are dating the wrong guy. If he’s not passionate about anything and he doesn’t have any life goals, you shouldn’t hope that your life with him will be amazing. Sometimes people get lost. That is okay. But they can’t stay that way or retreat from participating in life. See if you can be a positive influencer in his life. Everyone needs a helping hand from time to time. If nothing takes hold, he may have some fear around failure that he has to work out for himself. Bottom line is to decide how long you can hang on without a change in him. Look at what your life will be like going forward and if that is not going to be a constant source of frustration for you.

9. You must avoid tough conversations

It’s important for couples to discuss cares and concerns and what’s next for them as a couple. If each difficult conversation, for instance, about religion, politics, or how many children you want, makes him withdrawl and there is a pattern of avoiding it all together or more than that he gets upset by your bringing up and topic or discussion you may be dating the wrong man. One thing most men need is  the opportunity to know that something is coing a head of time. It is the way they are wired. So, try telling him you would like to talk to him about something important and that it is not about something he has done or not done – and tell him it will only take about 10 or 15 minutes and then ask when would be a good time for him. He may want to talk right then – stick to the timeframe you mentioned and then put your topic out there. Speak your truth. If he wants to think about it, then make sure you give him some time but tell him how important it is to hear his take on things within a day or two at the longest and then make sure that works for him If none of this works and he keeps avoiding all topis and discussions after you keep trying this method you need to ask yourself if this is what you truly want in a relationship.  It’s better to discuss these issues before tying the knot. It most important to know if you have someone that can have that kind of relationship.
I know it’s hard to be alone so you might stay in a relationship knowing that something isn’t quite right. But you both don’t want to face a painful and unfulfilling relationship either. Review the 9 Warning Signs You Are Dating the Wrong Guy and see if this is true for your guy. If so, take a stand for the relationship you most want and deserve. I’m behind you all the way.

Knowing When Love Is Right For You

Don’t Date The Wrong Guy

Sometimes it can be hard to tell whether or not a new relationship is going to work out. It doesn’t help that you fall for people that end up being fundamentally wrong for you. So how do you tell whether the guy you’re with is someone who is right for you? To help ease the potential confusion, we have come up with three red flags that do a pretty good job at indicating you may be dating the wrong guy.

alt="Don't Date The Wrong Guy"

You have different life goals

One of the biggest and most important indicators that your dating the wrong guy is that you see future life goals differently – they just don’t match up. It’s not about the personal short term goals, like the fact that he’s saving for a new car and you’ve decided to change jobs. It’s the long range big, life – changing -type goals. For example, if you know you want kids and he doesn’t – you have a huge difference in what you want. Or, if he plans on eventually moving back to his (tiny, middle-of-nowhere) home town and you can’t stand the thought of living anywhere but the city, then this will create a huge gap between the two of you somewhere down the road. You have to get really clear on what you need from a relationship and find out what you are willing to compromise on. The key is  to know if  the one you’re dating is not budging on areas where you are not able to compromise. They are your deal breakers.

You never really talk

Women really feel a deep connection when they are listened to  and understood. It is an extremely validating experience. There is also another piece to that in that the guy you are dating must be able to open up and share his thoughts while you listen. That is what sustains a relationship over time. Contrary to widespread belief, sex is only one part of a healthy relationship.  Look for ways to open up deep, meaningful conversations and engage in enriching discussions where you share perspectives. This goes a long way in a relationship and actually deepens the physical intimacy between the two of you. Conversation – the real kind where you discuss feelings and hopes and dreams – is a key ingredient to building a lasting bond with someone. If you don’t have those open honest heart-felt sharing conversations – ever – you’re not in the right relationship. As much as it’s a physical connection, a good relationship should also allow you to connect on a deeper emotional level. The key here is to see if the guy you are dating is able to connect on an emotional level. If not, in the long run this is a hige deal breaker.

He doesn’t like your family and friends and vice versa

If none of your family and  friends like him, or he doesn’t get along with any of the people you hold dear, you could be wasting your time. The same goes for his family and friends. You don’t need to like or get along with all of them, but if trying to ignore thsi issue will never make it go away. Now of course we are all drawn to certain people and have become used to the way are own familes likes and dislikes. Just make sure that you know what you are getting yourself into. One of the best parts of being in a relationship that makes you happy is combining your closest circle with his. That doesn’t mean you no longer have separate friends or do things without one another, but having dinner parties with both of your favorite people makes things so much easier. Having to entirely separate your life as a couple from your family and friend puts a strain on the relationship. The key is to know yourself well enough to see where this could cause problems in the relationship. Know if it is a deal breaker for you.

Making the decision that someone is wroing is never eay. Try to take some time to really understand what you need from a relationship. Is it being a priority, fun, commitment, physical affection, etc – no matter what you have to find someone that is able to meet those needs and vice versa for them That is the key to being happy in a relationship!

Ready For Love?

Are You Ready For Love?

alt="Are You Ready For Love?"

Getting to the heart of what holds you back.

If someone were to ask you what you really wanted from a relationship – what would the answer be?

It’s that time of year when not only are we busier at work than ever, but our personal lives are about to get busier as well! So many really wonderful women I know are juggling multiple commitments, and let’s face it, part of being successful and happy is being well-rounded. It’s only natural that we want to make the most of all the opportunities around us!

But one often overlooked aspect of “making the most” of our opportunities is cultivating a sense of joy, presence and awareness about ourselves. Your awareness is important because it keeps you from being caught up in a whirlwind of activity just for the sake of being busy or collecting accolades.

Sometimes you focus on or play up one particular part of your identity, while completely disregarding other parts of yourselves. You have many facets and dimensions. Time to look at all of them and express some of the ignored diemsions by enjoying them.

I want to encourage you to take a little time – and get clarity about who you are, and who and what you need in your life. This is the perfect time to examine this! No time like the present.

 

 

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