Love at first sight is easy. It’s love when we take each other for granted and don’t always take the time to look our best and be at our best for each other that can be difficult.

Guess what else: This is also an exciting time because it’s when you know if it is true love —when you both are comfortable and can reveal your true human selves.

You’re never going to find perfect. Besides we are each growing and evolving and that process alone brings out the doubts and fears in each of us.  If you want to have the  perfect relationship, you must accept you will be one part of an “imperfect couple.” You will have ebbs and flows. Mountains to climb and smooth sailing at times. You will not always feel 100 percent in love with your partner, 100 percent of the time. And that’s okay.

True love is what happens when disappointment sets in and disagreements unfold.

John Gottman, founder of The Love Lab can predict if a relationship will survive—not based on how well a couple gets along, but by how well they don’t get along. He believes a couple is only as strong as their weakest moments and how they handle disappointments and disagreements.

Gottman also discovered that long-term, happily married couples disagree just as much as couples who divorce. The big difference? Happily married couples accept there will be disagreements. Happily married couples value growing and working through problems—for the sake of being in a long-term, supportive, thriving relationship.

Here’s the key to lasting love:

A relationships of shared virtue: based on connecting soul to soul, core self to core self, and inspiring, supporting and challenging each other to grow into their best possible selves

In other words, if you want to be part of a healthy, loving relationship, you must accept that it will always serve two functions:

1. Fun and Pleasure

2. Safe Place For Personal Growth.

The ultimate place for fun and reward where your soul to be inspired, nurtured, supported, and challenged to evolve.

So your soul mate doesn’t start to feel like a friend and the sparks have fizzled, here are 7 love-building tools!

7 LOVE-MAKING TOOLS!

1.    Is there something you’re hurt or worried about that you have yet to tell your partner? I don’t know about you but I’m a terrible mind reader. I guarantee your partner is not a mind reader either. If something is on your mind, share it. Speak your truth. Reveal your thoughts out loud. You know you can’t stop thinking them. So clear the air. Get it our in the open. The only one that you can resolve this with is your partner. Bring them out of the darkness. Chances are that they know something is wrong already.  Your love life is only as strong as your open communication. True love requires the love of truth.

2.     Remember: Good communication is always about listening just as much as it’s about being the one that is sharing. Keep in mind that it isn’t always easy for everyone to open up and share. Give the person your full attention and patience to wait until they say what they need to say. That goes miles in a relationship having someone just listen – in this world it is rare to really have a safe place to speak openly and freely. What a relief once you finally find someone that cares about you enough to just listen.

3.    Put yourself in your partner’s shoes so you can better understand how they feel. Aristotle called this mimesis explaining how you can learn a lot by mirroring one another. Here’s what you do – you listen. Then as the person stops speaking you ask if there is anything else. Then they may continue to get to the heart of things. After they stop again summarize in your own words what you got from the meaning of their words. The ask if you got it right. If so – you did great. If not, have them explain. What happens is that they feel heard and understood which is very validating. You get to see your partner’s perspective and create a real closenesss through understanding and acceptance.

4.    Take the time to eliminate those everyday annoyances that irritate each other before they become monumental. Find out by being able to talk about expectations you each have of a relationship, from love, and from each other. Try to turn those complaints around into rquest such as I love it when you  . . . No one likes to be criticized, nagged, critiqued and receive negative feedback. Recognize when something you do is hurtful and not helpful . Let each other know what is annoying  for each of you. Getting clear on your expectations will also help with this. It‘s great when you both empathize with each other and share an equal portion of time in seeing it as a growth opportunity.

5.    Are you dragging the same patterns of every relationship into this relationship? Remember: You are the common denominator in all your relationship problems. What needs changing? Healing? Forgiving? Recognize that you are often subconsciously attracted to someone who represents the best/worst of your parents, so you can re-create, and then heal those old wounds and childhood disappointments. Don’t repeat the patterns.

6.    Are you sweating the small stuff? Like the way the towels have to be folded? The way the diswasher has to be loaded? The Laundry done? Even though I’m telling you to talk more openly, you must do this with a filter. You don’t want to be left alone to do everything because it can only be done your way. You don’t want to fall in a pattern of complaining and being negative. Choose what’s really important wisely. Don’t micro manage everything. Let go . . . Let love be without conditions.

7.    Remember: If you’re saying “I love you” out loud to someone, you must make sure your actions match your words. You should find unique ways of showing your love. During challenging times, when you’re tempted to not be your most loving self, ask yourself: “How would love deal with this issue? What would love do?” If you come from a place of love and tenderness, you can turn anything around.

Keep your relationship thriving!