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Create True And Lasting Love In Your Life

Ten Things To Find Love Now

You Can Find Love Right Now By Doing These Ten Things

1. Start by losing the losers

If you want to find your soul mate you must be available and not involved with people that aren’t right for you. Staying available is hard for a lot of singles, but necessary for finding the love of your life.

2. OK, available now? Next… are you “ready?”

Any unfinished business that might sabotage your next relationship? Legal, financial, emotional, kids, ex, employment? Get it handled!

3. Next, make a list of your top five “requirements”

Requirements are non-negotiable deal-breakers; what you must have or must not have in your relationship. Vow not to get involved with anyone that doesn’t meet all five. Share your list with your closest friends and make them swear to tell you the truth and lock you up if you get off-track.

4. Good job. Now, let’s get crystal clear about this “dating” thing:

If you want to avoid the deadly dating traps, focus on these Four Steps for Conscious Dating:

Step One: Scouting (find compatible people to meet- internet, through friends, getting out there, etc)

Step Two: Sorting (quickly determine if someone you meet has potential)

Step Three: Screening (collect enough information to know if your requirements would be met)

Step Four: Testing (date a few times and compare the reality with the information)

Repeat as needed.

That’s it… nothing more, nothing less. No “trial relationships,” no fun flings; just these four steps.

5. Get support

Don’t do this alone. Dating can be scary and isolating, and your friends and family can be your safety net to help you stay on track.

6. Work it!

Most people meet their soul mate through someone they already know, so let people know you’re looking and network like crazy.

7. Be positive and happy

Success breeds success and misery loves company… your choice.

8. Be the Chooser!

Go after what you want and don’t simply react to what or who chooses you.

9. Be assertive!

If you settle for less, you’ll get less. Ask for what you want and say “No” to what you don’t want.

10. Live a great life NOW while you’re single. “If you build it, they will come” (from the movie “Field of Dreams”).

Finding your perfect mate is a combination of working on yourself so that you’re ready to attract and keep this wonderful person, and being proactive in your life to go after what you want instead of waiting for it to come to you, or hoping it will just “happen.”

Wednesday February 27, 2013 by Debbie

Transforming Your Heartbreak To Happiness

I Believe I Just Got The Goodbye Look

How can you help someone go from a broken heart to being truly happy? When you go through heartbreak one of the first things you experience is the tremendous feelings of loss of a huge part of your life. You want it back! It belonged to you and now it is beyond your grasp. No matter what you try, it feels like you can’t get it to return. That is when the fears and doubts begin to play tricks on your mind and now every moment you come up with ideas about how to get the person to return to you. So the first order of business is: you must work through managing the fears and doubts that come with heartbreak. Do you fear being alone forever? Do you doubt that you are even lovable? What is the real loss you are experiencing? What is the lonely future you are seeing?

You are panicking and that is quite understandable. With heartbreak, you are hurting and you can’t stop the tears. It’s OK to feel this way. You have to begin a process within yourself. I call it a journey. It starts with feeling your feelings, feeling sad and lonely. It takes some time, but as you feel them, they pass and the heartbreak will turn towards happiness and come in time.

One of the Love Mentees that I have worked with comes to my mind. She is such a kind and caring woman– who went from being completely devastated and heartbroken to being empowered and truly happy. Her name is Angie and she is amazing! When we started working together she had experienced heartbreak in the summer and was still carrying strong feelings for Mark eight months later. They really got a long well at first and then one day he told her he had to leave for an out of town work-related trip and that he would call her. He didn’t call and just disappeared! Her heartbreak was huge. This was such a low blow. But the great news is now she has two great guys who are interested and are STUDS as Dr. Diana puts it. By the way she’s in her late forties, has never had children but wants them, and has never been married. So I want you to realize that you can turn your heartbreak into happiness too!

News Flash: Tune into Debbie as she is interviewed on the nuts and bolts of how to transform heartbreak to happiness on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on March 20! (And archived thereafter!) To listen, Click Here!

What did she do that took her from Heartbreak to not one but two great guys at once?It was definitely a journey and it didn’t happen overnight. It took time but she stayed at it. I have to tell you that there were times when she felt like giving up. She kept working at it and that allowed her to move forward even it was just in baby steps. When we first started working together, she couldn’t get past the fact that he just disappeared. Oh she went on dates but found them all boring and always wished she was with Mark. She didn’t enjoy the dates at all and just didn’t see the point of dating at all. Our early conversations were about the hurt, loss, and regrets of being without the man she believed she was to be with forever. She felt betrayed by the promise that he would call her while he was away when he hadn’t contacted her at all. Those thoughts just broke her heart all over again. She was lost and couldn’t even begin to move on until she was able to get an answer for what happened in the first place. They got along so well. They had great times together. How could things change so rapidly? It was painful and sad and no one else came close to being what Mark was. She felt that she must have been the problem – that Mark did not like who she was. To get to happiness something had to change from despair to hope. We had to find out together what was really underneath all of this for Angie. Her Relationship-Killer Beliefs were holding her back from anything, even the possibilities of a new love.

What do you mean by Killer Beliefs?The best way to explain your Killer Beliefs – your core beliefs is to have you imagine an ice berg. The things we know and are aware of are above the surface of the ice berg. Now you know that an ice berg can extend all the way down to the ocean floor where we can’t see how far down it goes. That is the same thing for your Killer Beliefs. These are negative core beliefs you are holding onto that you are unaware of and they are not in your conscious mind. You just are not aware you are believing hopeless thoughts about yourself, about men and about love. I really get excited when helping someone with their Killer Beliefs because I always want to take them where they want to go!! And when we work through these beliefs we can remove the roadblocks that get in their way. You too have roadblocks – we all do. So together we bring them up to the surface so we can work through them. Beliefs are a choice. I asked Angie to look at what she was choosing to believe about herself and about love and that changed her life. In the book, Sealing the Deal, there are some excellent exercises for understanding and getting rid of killer beliefs.

What happened next with Angie? What I call her journey to a Smartbreak instead of Heartbreak!! I asked her to take a break from dating for a while. I also asked her to send a simple email to Mark. She didn’t want to at first but together we came up with one that she felt okay in sending. He immediately responded back and asked to see her. They met and had a great time. He asked to see her again and didn’t show up! He called and told her something came up. This just confused her more. She was really being cautious this time around and wanted to protect her heart.

Angie was beginning to notice who she was when they were together. It was all about him. She had to build him up and reassure him. She is such a great listener and really caring and nurturing. She never liked hurting anyone’s feelings let alone speaking up with her truth and have her deeper needs met. But she sure wasn’t comfortable with the way that Mark was treating her. She gave him one last chance and guess what, he left her stranded after promising to be there again, – no phone call, no text, nothing!

How did she get through that heartbreak again? During all of this we were working on why she was always protecting herself and only letting a guy get so close. She started opening up and realized that in fact she deserved far more than she has ever received. Angie is such a giving person and it was high time she experienced receiving. She also had difficulty talking and was a much better listener. Now I realize that for some of you it can be just the opposite. That is okay just give yourself permission to receive more, know that you deserve more, and never settle for less.

News Flash: Tune into Debbie as she is interviewed on the nuts and bolts of how to transform heartbreak to happiness on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on March 20! (And archived thereafter!) To listen, Click Here!

Sometimes we are not even aware of the impression we are giving out to those we date. Make sure you let the guys know you had a great time. Tell them at the end of the date. Open your heart and mind again. Angie did. She started dating again. This time she did things with an awareness and confidence that she never had before. It started out slowly. She went on two different dates with 2 different guys that allowed her to see the difference in the way she could be treated. Both are smitten with her and interested in a long-term relationship. The next decision she will make is to choose someone who will be by her side forever. She will get married and have the family she’s always wanted. She is taking heartbreak and transforming it into the happiness she deserves.

You can do this too. Never lose hope.

You can find the love you deserve where you feel fulfilled and happy. Start with the Killer Beliefs. Find out what you are choosing to believe. Then I want you to ask yourself what the truth is–about what you truly deserve and want to create in your life. I want you to take one step forward away from heartbreak and one step closer to real happiness. You can do it.

Ready For Love?

Are You Ready For Love?

Getting to the heart of what holds you back.

If someone were to ask you what you really wanted from a relationship – what would the answer be?

It’s that time of year when not only are we busier at work than ever, but our personal lives are about to get busier as well! So many really wonderful women I know are juggling multiple commitments, and let’s face it, part of being successful and happy is being well-rounded. It’s only natural that we want to make the most of all the opportunities around us!

But one often overlooked aspect of “making the most” of our opportunities is cultivating a sense of joy, presence and awareness about ourselves. Your awareness is important because it keeps you from being caught up in a whirlwind of activity just for the sake of being busy or collecting accolades.

Sometimes you focus on or play up one particular part of your identity, while completely disregarding other parts of yourselves. You have many facets and dimensions. Time to look at all of them and express some of the ignored diemsions by enjoying them.

I want to encourage you to take a little time – and get clarity about who you are, and who and what you need in your life. This is the perfect time to examine this! No time like the present.

Don’t Date The Wrong Guy

9 Warning Signs You Are Dating the Wrong Guy

Every woman has some dating doubts, but if you’re experiencing any of the following issues, perhaps you are dating the wrong guy. To find lasting love that is fulfilling and complete with true happiness, you should be aware that not everyone you date is the right guy for you.

Here are a few dating warning signs you are dating the wrong guy:

1. He thinks the world revolves around him

If your guy is more interested in how you fit in his world and he doesn’t take into consideration your individual needs, you’re certainly dating the wrong guy. You feel that your partner only thinks about himself and he always does whatever he wants, even when you don’t like his actions and he knows about it. Two things to pint out – sometimes you need to teach someone how to meet your needs and how to be a we, an us. If they are not able to give you what you need and be an us, you will become hurt and disappointed by that type of relationship – no matter how great he looks on the outside.

2. You desperately try to impress him

Do you feel like you are wearing a mask when you are with him? The trust is the trusth and being who you are around him should start right from the very beginning. Yes, it’s true that we show our very best in the beginning but if you always feels that isn’t enough – imagine how you will feel when you relax more in the relationship. If you feel less than enough for him, it’s time to realize that you needs someone who appreciates who you are. There is no one quite like you. Look for the relationship that appreciates the woman you are. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. If he doesn’t love you as you are, I promise there is someone that will and the rewards for that kind of relationship are well worth the wait.

3. He is too clingy

While most men complain about women being needy and clingy, there are guys who are more clingy than girls. If your boyfriend is one of them, you may be dating the wrong guy. It’s not healthy and wise to expect you to be his singular source of joy and happiness. You and your guy should have some alone time in order to keep the spark in your relationship. However keep in mind that you don’t want to be someone’s everything. Neediness is just not attractive and wears on a person over time. You also don’t want to feel controlled in the relationship. There is a healthy balance that needs to be created between two people. look for ways to keep it in balance and in prspective.

4. Your family and friends have never met him

Did you introduce your boyfriend to your family or friends? No? Why? Because he doesn’t want or because you are embarrassed by him so much that you don’t want your social circles to know him? If he doesn’t want to meet your family, it’s a red flag to watch out for in your relationship. Are you sure he loves you? Be sure to meet them and notice how he speaks about them, speaks about his ex’s, and how he interacts with family and friends. Is it with kindness, patience, acceptance – just look at all of it and see for yourself how things really are – then make a decision about whether or not this is right for you.

5. He doesn’t listen to you

If you feel like your partner never listens to you, you might be dating the wrong man. You feel sad and you share your emotions and feelings with him, and he starts doesn’t hear you and never notices the disappointment and sadness on your face. A woman’s deepest desire is to be listened to and understood. It creates closenesss and connection. Try praising the times he is engaged and show him how to listen when he needs you to listen. If he still isn’t able to really take in what you are saying, you have to realize that you deserve more and will be hurt if this continues. Time to think about what you need and know when can’t give it to you. Don’t settle for less than you deserve.

6. You can’t imagine your future with him

Can you see a future with your boyfriend? If the thought of a lifelong commitment makes you cringe, you need to look at what the root cause is – why are you dating him in the first place? He might be a good guy who wants to have a serious relationship but just isn’t right for you. He maybe hasn’t wanted to grow up yet. He might fear commitment. He maybe just wants a different lifestyle than you. Don’t fall in love with a guys future potential. Take a look at what he is telling you he wants in life. It is the truth. See if that is okay with you. If not, then find a guy that you can imagine a future with.

7. You are not happy when you are with him

If spending time with him exhausts you and you feel as if you want to avoid spending time with him all together – this is a warning sign you are dating the wrong guy. You should feel alive and happy with your boyfriend, not down, avoiding, making other plans, etc.Don’t let things get too routine and predictable. Try new things. Enjoy each other’s company. Dating should be fun. If not, pinpoint the problem area and make a decision about your course of action. It’s easy to let 2 , 3 4 , 5 years float by only to discover that something is just not okay when you are together. Figure it out now so that you can have the adventurous, fun relationship where you can’t wait to be together.

8. He doesn’t have any interests and hobbies

Is your relationship his only interest? If your boyfriend has no interests or hobbies outside of your relationship, perhaps you are dating the wrong guy. If he’s not passionate about anything and he doesn’t have any life goals, you shouldn’t hope that your life with him will be amazing. Sometimes people get lost. That is okay. But they can’t stay that way or retreat from participating in life. See if you can be a positive influencer in his life. Everyone needs a helping hand from time to time. If nothing takes hold, he may have some fear around failure that he has to work out for himself. Bottom line is to decide how long you can hang on without a change in him. Look at what your life will be like going forward and if that is not going to be a constant source of frustration for you.

9. You must avoid tough conversations

It’s important for couples to discuss cares and concerns and what’s next for them as a couple. If each difficult conversation, for instance, about religion, politics, or how many children you want, makes him withdrawl and there is a pattern of avoiding it all together or more than that he gets upset by your bringing up and topic or discussion you may be dating the wrong man. One thing most men need is the opportunity to know that something is coing a head of time. It is the way they are wired. So, try telling him you would like to talk to him about something important and that it is not about something he has done or not done – and tell him it will only take about 10 or 15 minutes and then ask when would be a good time for him. He may want to talk right then – stick to the timeframe you mentioned and then put your topic out there. Speak your truth. If he wants to think about it, then make sure you give him some time but tell him how important it is to hear his take on things within a day or two at the longest and then make sure that works for him If none of this works and he keeps avoiding all topis and discussions after you keep trying this method you need to ask yourself if this is what you truly want in a relationship. It’s better to discuss these issues before tying the knot. It most important to know if you have someone that can have that kind of relationship.

I know it’s hard to be alone so you might stay in a relationship knowing that something isn’t quite right. But you both don’t want to face a painful and unfulfilling relationship either. Review the 9 Warning Signs You Are Dating the Wrong Guy and see if this is true for your guy. If so, take a stand for the relationship you most want and deserve. I’m behind you all the way.

Dating Tip – Don’t Text Too Soon

Don’t Rush Into Texting After The First Date

Dating Tip: Once you go on a first date, you start to build the connection if you feel the two of you clicked. First impressions are usually correct. Don’t just pay attention to the physical attraction and chemistry you feel or don’t feel. That alone won’t help you make the best decision about who he is. You will feel that you need to communicate after the first date especially if you don’t hear from him. Dating Tip – Don’t Text Too Soon. It’s great to show gratitude for having a good time but don’t text too soon.

You don’t want to come across as needy or desperate. So slow down and resist the temptation to text right away. It will also lead to lowering your confidence. You see, you will have your hopes up that he will reply right away. There is an expectation that you want more than the place where the relationship stands at this moment.

Can 20 Minutes Change Your Love Life?